


cherry

by titowrites



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, Post Break Up, kinda sad i’m sorry, other skz boys mentioned, seungmin pov, seungsung are no longer together, the hyunsung is current but only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titowrites/pseuds/titowrites
Summary: seungmin doesn’t lie, but he doesn’t tell jisung the truth either. it’s hard to see jisung’s smile in broad daylight, was use to it in the dark underneath the covers with hazed eyes before, and now flat and unnerving in frozen photographs seungmin didn’t take.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39
Collections: things





	cherry

**Author's Note:**

> title and story heavily influenced by cherry - harry styles
> 
> for noah, who bullied me into writing this. please go ahead and yell at him @taepiri

seungmin isn’t a bad person. 

he’s kind, considerate, steps in when he sees his friends being wronged, corrects his family when they’re overstepping, has never ever been mean to his pets (even when they eat his shoes). seungmin is not a bad person. 

sitting at a cafe in the middle of seoul, half passed two with a cooling latte in his hand that tastes too sweet and a grinning boy in front of him, he feels like a bad person. 

-

_ how are you?  _

as far as questions go, that’s an easy one. seungmin gets asked that at least a hundred times a day, without exaggerating. greeting staff on his way to his office in the morning gets him his quota of  _ how are you’ _ s filled pretty quickly, and seungmin is a great conversationalist. he knows how to complete an interaction swiftly and politely, how to prolong it if he’d like, and how to know when it’s time to end it. 

jisung wasn’t always so good at that question. he was an oversharer at times, complete strangers knowing too much in too little of a time. and on days when his words wouldn’t come out the way he wanted seungmin had to step in more than once to save him from finding them. 

jisung is the one who asks, and seungmin is stunned to realize he doesn’t want to answer. he’s even more stunned to realize there’s no one around to save him like he use to. 

-

if seungmin was honest… 

seungmin wasn’t a liar, he was blunt at crucial times and doesn’t sugar coat the easier things. his friends trusted him to tell them the truth when they ask for it, they don’t go to him for comfort, but for advice, for the in your face kind of love that kicks your ass and makes you feel like shit afterwards. seungmin isn’t a liar. 

he doesn’t lie when jisung asks, says work’s been amazing, that the company is growing and that he’s moved into a nicer neighborhood (jisung looks like he wants to make an anecdote on their old shared apartment that got broken into more than three times but seungmin coughs over him and he loses the chance). he talks about the cats felix adopted and forces him to babysit, how he sees minho way more than he wants to now thanks to that, all with an exasperated eye roll he’s perfected. jisung laughs like that makes him happy, and seungmin doesn’t know how anything in the world can make this moment any more unbearable than it already was, but jisung hiccups into another giggle and he’s proven wrong. 

he doesn’t lie, but he doesn’t tell jisung that on days when the sun is hidden he pulls out a sports jacket he doesn’t remember buying, slips into a pair of sneakers he forgot to return, and deals with the odd stares of his coworkers when he trudges in slowly, dazed and unresponsive. he doesn’t say that rainy days remind him of staying in and listening to the water fall and praying that their patchwork on their roof is enough to keep the leaks at bay  _ just this once.  _

he doesn’t mention that whenever he listens to his favorite band he stops himself from singing the higher notes because jisung always loved those parts more when they sang together, and there’s a part of seungmin that’s still waiting for jisung to continue the song in the empty apartment he lives in, that jisung has never been to, has never seen, and didn’t even know existed until now. 

he doesn’t say that he thinks about calling him, even now. even when he hears about the pretty blond changbin thinks is hilarious, the one felix says is too handsome to be real, the one that minho likes to tease over text when he’s suppose to be helping seungmin change felix’s cats’ litter. even then, seungmin wants to hear jisung pick up the phone the way he use to when seungmin would call him from the office and jisung had long been asleep, his usually soft voice rough around the edges, bringing comfort to seungmin’s tense shoulders. 

seungmin doesn’t lie, but he doesn’t tell jisung the truth either. it’s hard to see jisung’s smile in broad daylight, was use to it in the dark underneath the covers with hazed eyes before, and now flat and unnerving in frozen photographs seungmin didn’t take. but he doesn’t want to be the reason the light in his eyes dim, doesn’t wanna see the pity grow. so seungmin doesn’t lie, he just keeps the truth to himself. 

-

seungmin almost forgets to ask jisung the same question, losing his focus onto his untouched muffin sitting stale and unappealing while jisung’s cake looks soft and half done. jisung has never been one to shy away from taking charge, however, and quickly takes the slight pause as a gesture to talk about how he’s been. 

seungmin knows it’s too rude to interrupt him, to stop him from speaking, to cut him off and tell him he needs to leave, that he forgot about the plans he has and has to run. he knows it, but he considers it anyways. 

seungmin doesn’t interrupt him. 

jisung talks about the music he’s been writing, some well known idol companies interested in buying tracks for their newer artists. it’s not as stable as he’d like, jisung is honest, but it’s exciting to have actual people on tv singing songs he wrote. he visibly deflates when he mentions the contracts he has missed out on, not wanting to be tied to a singular entity, and seungmin is again taken aback how genuine jisung can be even to people who don’t deserve it. 

seungmin doesn't deserve it. he did, at one point, when he had nothing but jisung’s best interest at heart and wanted everything to go well for him (he still does). but when jisung talks about  _ him  _ and how they live in a tiny loft in the outskirts of seoul and his face lights up and he can hardly talk over the grin on his face, his words slurring in a way seungmin use to  _ love _ –

seungmin doesn’t deserve it, because he sees that look in jisung’s eyes, the overflowing happiness glowing in them and seungmin hates it. 

-

seungmin has been gripping the side of his jeans for the last five minutes. his fingertips ache, the denim rough and uncomfortable, he wants to let go, but if he lets go his hands will be free and he doesn’t know what to do with them if they were. 

jisung was finally making his way back, his phone balanced on his shoulder as he carries their refills in two hands. he doesn’t know that seungmin’s first drink is still half full, too cold to enjoy and the new one will probably have the same fate. 

seungmin tries to drown out jisung’s voice as he gets closer, trying to ignore the half conversation being held, ignoring the tilts in jisung’s words like he does when he’s  _ fond  _ of the other on the line. he almost succeeds, almost manages to focus solely on the pop song playing on the speakers. 

it’s the natural reaction of the thing that gets seungmin pulled over. the calling of his name, the thoughtless way you turn your head when someone speaks to only  _ you.  _

“– _ baby–“  _

seungmin looks up, and doesn’t find jisung’s eyes. it jolting, all at once. he doesn’t think he’d ever heard that word and not immediately find jisung waiting for him. it makes him feel immediately embarrassed, and he counts his blessings that jisung doesn’t notice. 

there’s a very childish part of him that is whining, that’s angry, that’s betrayed. 

jisung laughs into the phone, a  _ goodbye _ and an _ i love you  _ all in the way he chuckles. seungmin use to tell him he’d see him at home, and jisung would giggle, and they’d hang up. their  _ love you’ _ s silent but loud enough for them. 

jisung doesn’t say i love you when he hangs up, but he says  _ okay bye baby _ , and seungmin feels like that’s so much worse. 

the childish part of him comes back, and seungmin tries to ignore the voice thats screaming  _ don’t call him that.  _

-

seungmin is exhausted when their meeting is coming to a close. he’s got a headache growing, and his fingers hurt from how often he’d grip the side of the table, his jeans, the silver spoon jisung handed him to taste the moist cake that tasted like acid going down his throat. 

jisung sighs like he doesn’t want the afternoon to end, staring at his watch like he’s sad the time is passing. it’s not the watch seungmin would force him to wear so he wouldn’t run late, but it’s blue, a color seungmin always reminded him looked nice. it doesn’t feel like a win, but seungmin holds onto it like his life depends on it. 

the conversation stalls, this time too long to be ignored, and seungmin can see jisung wants to say something. usually (before), seungmin would wait, tilt his head or nod until jisung was ready. jisung was always in a hurry with everyone else, seungmin always wanted jisung to know he’d wait for him, there was no rush, not with him. 

seungmin thinks about waiting, thinks about giving jisung that reassuring look he’d give him so any nerves he’d have could go away. but jisung’s phone flashes in front of him, to which jisung ignores but seungmin sees, sees the name pop up with a text, can’t see the message, doesn’t want to, but he can’t ignore that. 

in the end it’s the  _ hyunjin♡ _ that decides for seungmin. 

seungmin starts collecting their scattered napkins and empty plates, and jisung loses the spark in his eyes when he wants to ask something that makes him nervous, admitting defeat that he's lost his chance. 

seungmin pretends he doesn’t notice all of this, lets jisung think he’s ignorant to it all, and it’s easier this time to ignore jisung’s disappointment when his phone flashes again. 

-

they’re idling outside the cafe when jisung gains the courage again, and seungmin doesn’t have a chance to take his leave when jisung asks if they could do this again. 

seungmin let’s himself think about it, let’s jisung see his doubt, his uncertainty in the possibility of seeing each other again. and jisung looks relieved, and seungmin realizes then that maybe jisung could see through him all along. 

seungmin thinks about how often he wears the tshirts jisung left behind, and how he always says yes to felix’s cat sitting because minho comes over and talks and talks and talks (it use to be annoying, when he was just jisung’s friend, it now feels like a piece of the past he gets to keep) and that jisung smiling at anyone who isn’t him feels like a thousand needles through his heart, his brain, his hands. 

jisung looks nervous, anxious and waiting for an answer. and seungmin has never been able to deny him anything, he will one day, hopefully soon, hopefully. 

he says yes, and when jisung continues to look nervous seungmin gives him the first bit of honesty he’s allowed. 

“just… maybe not anytime soon.”

jisung looks sad, but it’s only a slimmer of the sad he was the day he left seungmin, the way his face was broken like he was the one being left behind. seungmin supposes guilt gets easier with time, he hopes his follows. 

it’s easier to walk away then, when his number is in jisung’s phone and jisung’s in his. he tries to not think of jisung walking home and into the arms of someone he doesn’t know, someone he’s only heard stories about. 

he supposes it’s good that he doesn’t know hyunjin, doesn’t trust his mind to think of all the ways he dislikes the way he is with jisung. 

he hopes the day he meets him (he has to, for jisung’s sake, who seungmin has decided he’s going to keep, just not the way he wants to), he’s able to smile in a way that’s real. 

he’s not there yet, and every step away feels like a battle lost. but that war has been fought, and neither of them won in the end. 

it hurts to walk away, but seungmin thinks it about time he got to leave the other behind. and maybe that’s cruel to think, considering he was the one who was alone last time. 

seungmin never said he was a good person. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is like the first actual break up fic i’ve written so i’m sorry if it lacks i usually like to make them together in the end ;-; also sorry if i’ve vagued about their break up i just wanted it to be mostly about seungmin post relationship rather than the break up itself! 
> 
> (and if anyone was wondering in my unofficial version of their relationship seungmin was really work-busy and wasn’t emotionally available as jisung would’ve liked and vice versa. i didn’t really want to make either them the one who “broke the others heart” but rather they both feel like the one wronged as most do when relationships end, but jisung was the one who ended things. hence why seungmin seems to be having a harder time healing. this is just for those curious, and for my own fun! feel free to ignore this if it ruins the story at all lol anyways thanks for reading!!!!)


End file.
